Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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