this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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