we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
