just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
