wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
