Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
