you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize