I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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