Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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