Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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