i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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