I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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