Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
