I smell stomach acid.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
