mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
