she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize