Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
