i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
