what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
