That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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