I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You pole danced in your parka.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
