She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
