Pants 0. Shit 1.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
