at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
