Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
