No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
