If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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