im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
