i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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