Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
