Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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