Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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