weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
