new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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