don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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