So drunk its hurt
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
