You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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