im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
