atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
