I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Randomize
