My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
only you would photoshop your dick
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
