Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
