i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
