Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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