I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
