dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
