hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
