My girlfriend figured out who you are.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
