How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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