I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
