He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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