I think I died a long time ago.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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