hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
