first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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