Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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