The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
