i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
