I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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