Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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