I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
