this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
