I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
