apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
