I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
