I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
