youre lurking in front of me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
