i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
