he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
