I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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